My war kitten, Male Bimbo Fish Smack, has always been a handful, but lately his aggression has reached a new level and I’m at a loss. A few days ago, he ripped all of my nicest bridal diapers to shreds.

Then, he built a catapault to launch tennis balls into the groins of unsuspecting passersby.

He escaped from the house, ran into a 99 cent store, and marked his territory all over the yellow blouse section.

Right now he is in the yard, mobilizing the neighborhood war kittens in a campaign against the local animal control officer, who has been by three times to issue citations due to Male Bimbo Fish Smack’s antics. I’m afraid the officer’s collection of Seal memorabilia is the target of the war kitten’s current plans, and that poor little Male Bimbo Fish Smack will be taken away from me if I can’t stop him.

Can anyone tell me how to train my war kitten? Does your war kitten do these things? I love Male Bimbo Fish Smack so much and can’t stand the thought of losing him.

if so, did you know that fruits have naturally occurring ethanol?
———————

Ethanol, Fruit Ripening, and the Historical Origins of Human Alcoholism in Primate Frugivory1
Robert Dudley2,1
1 Department of Integrative Biology, University of California, Berkeley, Berkeley, California 94720 and Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute, P.O. Box 2072, Balboa, Republic of Panama

Ethanol is a naturally occurring substance resulting from the fermentation by yeast of fruit sugars. The association between yeasts and angiosperms dates to the Cretaceous, and dietary exposure of diverse frugivorous taxa to ethanol is similarly ancient. Ethanol plumes can potentially be used to localize ripe fruit, and consumption of low-concentration ethanol within fruit may act as a feeding stimulant. Ripe and over-ripe fruits of the Neotropical palm Astrocaryum standleyanum contained ethanol within the pulp at concentrations averaging 0.9% and 4.5%, respectively. Fruit ripening was associated with significant changes in color, puncture resistance, sugar, and ethanol content. Natural consumption rates of ethanol via frugivory and associated blood levels are not known for any animal taxon. However, behavioral responses to ethanol may have been the target of natural selection for all frugivorous species, including many primates and the hominoid lineages ancestral to modern humans. Pre-existing sensory biases associating this ancient psychoactive compound with nutritional reward might accordingly underlie contemporary patterns of alcohol consumption and abuse.

http://icb.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/44/4/315
********
Here’s a table from another paper describing naturally occurring ethanol in fruit: http://www.bioone.org/action/showFullPopup?doi=10.1093%2Ficb%2F44.4.290&id=i1540-7063-44-4-290-t01
*******
“fruit juice contains naturally occurring ethanol (< 0.1-0.5% by volume)” http://abc.herbalgram.org/site/DocServer/Sinupret_patientInfoSheet.pdf?docID=883
********

Ethanol-Induced Anaphylaxis Following Ingestion of Overripe Rock Melon, Cucumis melo: http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/acaai/aaai/1997/00000078/00000003/art00007?crawler=true
******

in ripe bananas: http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=15622105
******

Ethanol is also commonly used in the packaging of fresh fruit: http://books.google.com/books?id=f0Db9w4KkKwC&pg=PA408&lpg=PA408&dq=naturally+occurring+ethanol+in+fruit&source=bl&ots=_WnBoTRKcY&sig=rNmZadlE23yjriYVJa2wHZvrLJA&hl=en&ei=LiSCSq2eIYWwswPp55V9&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8#v=onepage&q=ethanol&f=false
*********
http://books.google.com/books?id=2gTCY5Dvha4C&printsec=frontcover&dq=naturally+occurring+ethanol+in+fruit&source=gbs_similarbooks_r&cad=2#v=onepage&q=ethanol&f=false
***********
http://www.tasteadvantage.com/product-list.php
************
http://books.google.com/books?id=sixGu0IP8J4C&pg=PA307&lpg=PA307&dq=endogenous+ethanol+in+apples&source=bl&ots=utq-S2Fx_R&sig=q61U4iTa1zDpw7QPgmBDcbutrww&hl=en&ei=WCqCStK-DZCuswOdgaWwAg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false
********

Ethanol is also naturally produced in the body after eating fruit:

“The concentration of ethanol in blood, breath or urine constitutes important evidence for prosecuting drunk drivers. For various reasons, the reliability of the results of forensic alcohol analysis are often challenged by the defence. One such argument for acquittal concerns the notion that alcohol could be produced naturally in the body, hence the term 'auto-brewery' syndrome. Although yeasts such as Candida albicans readily produce ethanol in-vitro, whether this happens to any measurable extent in healthy ambulatory subjects is an open question. Over the years, many determinations of endogenous ethanol have been made, and in a few rare instances (Japanese subjects with very serious yeast infections) an abnormally high ethanol concentration (> 80 mg/dl) has been reported.”
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10976182
There are also many papers describing endogenous ethanol in vegetables (you can do your own search).
“in it’s pure form (100% ethanol) it is 200 proof and would cause significant harm, paralysis, blindness, respiratory failure and possibly death.”

luckily, none of that happened to me when I drank Ever Clear. I did get drunk, though.
This question is a survey of the knowledge of the Ramadan board regarding ethanol in fruit.
I see, so the “near-beers”, i.e., beer without the alcohol (actually has very small amount, on-par with ripe fruit) is not haram.